I Always Do

You’ve stuck me in this 
maybe 

halfway between believing you
but believing myself more

(I could have avoided this
by believing myself before)

and I’m so angry it’s 
paralyzing 

yet somehow
I’m shaking

as I sit here with 
pursed lips hovering

over my stomach 
that stays clenched

and I forget
to breathe

and my house is quiet where
music usually is.

I’m mad at you but
I’m mad at myself more

for trusting so quickly
for believing 

for putting my life
in your hands 

I knew better.
I always do.